Friday, January 1, 2010

In the Name of, well, Sisterhood!

As I stepped into the aisle, two things made my heart sink. First, there was a woman waiting at my destination’s door. Second, was the thought that the person she was awaiting, the one who had turned the happy, green “Vacant” sign into the dreaded, “Occupied” red, was also a woman. Because, in my experience on international flights, it is women who hold the dreaded Red in position for so long, that I am at a loss to do anything but ask, with all due respect, lack of malice, but just utmost curiosity: what the heck do you do in there?

I mean, really, it’s the size of an outhouse. And, there’s really not that much to do, but either take care brush your teeth or wash your hands!

Let’s break this down, hmm? The first, bladder relief: even if you have had five cocktails, this does not take five minutes. The second? All I can say is, if I can do this while upon the throne, so can you! The third? Well, the water, in my experience, doesn’t run for more than five seconds before automatically shutting off. I understand that international flights can get boring, especially when the movie selection sucks or in the absolute worst case scenario, your video console is the only one around you that does not work (flashback nightmare, flashback nightmare), but pushing a few levers to see if the water will run longer? Now seeing how many ‘free’ feminine products you can take without getting noticed on the way out? That sounds like fun! But even I would not do that, out of just pure, ol' fashioned sisterhood!

Finally, I hope that your nicotine addiction is not so great that you would risk either a. the smoke detector going off (I’m not sure what the punishment for this is; but, I betcha it’s not pleasant!) or b. being being arrested and/or fined $2,220 for disabling the smoke detector!

So, I ask again…what do you do in there?

Makeup, you say? Yes, I too am guilty of wanting not to look like I have been punched in the face either! Believe me: I win in the sleep-induced dark circle department. But, ladies, I have a secret for you. Everyone around you is too spaced out to care that you are putting it on at your seat. And, psst…terminals have bathrooms too, really big ones with huge mirrors that are much better lit.

In sum, from one woman to another: next time you are squeezed between the miniature sink and the plastic wall, think. Wouldn’t it be much more fun to go hang with the flight attendants and see if you can score a free drink? Might be worth it for the U.S. 6 bucks In-Flight cocktails cost these days!

No comments: